Monsoon

   Everyday we are challenged by a current, that no one seems to notice, very subtle, yet strong, makes our "everydays" flow, you never realize how the road we have taken up inlife, was rarley a desicion, but we were somehow pulled gently into the river stream.

  Sometimes we are decived by the thought of how the current is controlled by us, by our desicions, by our thougts and the

freedom we believe in owning, your desicion might be initated and you might have decided this road is not "your cup of tea" in life but it will still find a way to pull you in back to what we call "average" "plain" and my least favorite "normal" the power of destruction these can do, it is a mass murder of innovation.

  So what happens when a powerful gush of air decides to push away from the stream, to rebel? It picks itself up and sets on a journey taking with it what it needs to prove it's very existance and to bring change, that's the key word change, it becomes a Monsoon.

  The defenition of a Monsoon is the following:

1. A wind from the southwest or south that brings heavy rainfall to southern Asia in the summer.
2. the meaning is far more greater than that, it changed summer into winter pulling the rain makers along with it. despite how near earth is from the sun and despite the previous mentioned stream of "normal" it reversed seasons, bringing undesmissable benifit to these countries argriculture and most importantly carved it's own path to teach us that anything could happen..

  So the question comes down to, are you a Monsoon?

❤️

   

     Putting someone to sleep in a matter of seconds, where they depart the state of conscious to the absolute unknown, loss of every sensation, of every control up to the state where their lungs can no longer function on their own and we are able to invade where no man has gone before exposing layers of their physical being, digging in deep to the source of where the body decided to rebel, in a form or another with deep sense of calmness and stability with the preparation of a sudden outbreak of a disaster. 

    Retract, alternate, cut, excise and finally fix all in a cold 4 walled room with covered faces..

Now tell me how can this not take your breath away, how can this not be a miracle?..

And when happiness infects us..

  You wake up in the morning, bed hair you don't care today you wake up, open the curtains, you let the sun in, past the window, past your room and into your soul..Yes! You let it soak in, it's warmth, it's brightness, you realise you aren't the only one celebrating life, everything around you is, your heartbeats, the stilnece roar of the AC's engine and the chirps of the birds outside your window.

  The whole universe is in harmony, the perfect harmony that was exactly created for you, yes, the universe was in harmony for you, for your grand ideas, for your creativity to be released like a beast escaping it's bone cage, your chest..let it go for even if it splatters, it's still beautiful.

  But something taps on your shoulder, whispers behind your left ear, brings shivers down your spine "hold back, happiness never lasts, this is an illusion" and now your commn sense hits, is this real? Why am I happy? Is it worth it? The beast that was roaring in your chest turns into a little kitten and hides in the corner, back to it's comfort zone, where it always has been.

  The comfort zone where we all have hung up a 3 x 4 wooden board with "home sweet home" carved in it. Another day shall pass without telling the people we love how much they mean to us, another day shall pass where we decide to have the same breakfast again, ignore the way we feel again, and suppress every insane idea that crosses our head by telling it "we're sorry there is no place for change in our society, there is no place for you in the lobes of my brain"

Another day shall pass, just like everyother day, ordinary.

Unless, when that little voice starts to whisper behind your left ear, you tell it to stay in that comfort zone, for you have decided to pack your bags and leave.

Hideous battle, in it's worst form.

      Throughout history we've witnessed and heard of how rage and anger can be transformed into wars, blood, pain, loss and destruction.. Millions of lives were lost, kids orphaned, homes turned into remains of bricks, sand and broken memories.

Dictators, guns, bombs are all weapons, methods to let that frustration within them let go..


But history never told us what was the world's greatest battles, maybe words were never fit enough to explain how their victims felt, maybe it was due to the fact that we humans never understand what we never feel, maybe it was due to the fact that the only witness to the hideous crime was the victim himself, maybe he was so in pain he never quite had the energy to try and explain it…


Inner-Battles, They are the worst kind.


Not knowing which side you belong to, it's constant, never ending it's painful and it's unpredictable..
One day you know exactly how this world works and exactly what you need and in a second a tornado hits picking up every thing it touches or it's resulting wind and energy radiates, kills everything, mutates what once was familiar and suddenly you no longer understand where it came from? how it happened? or when? it's quick, it's delusional and it had the ability to tear open the gaps that you've tried filling in.



You beg it to settle but it feeds of of your vulnerability. It knows it's winning and it knows you're helpless. So the world's greatest wars aren't written in history. They're buried with their victims, with no one to tell the tale...Forever lost. Forever hidden.

Edge of Desire

      What's marvelous about life is how a second could change your state, your thinking, your attitude and most importantly you..

 We all spend our lives in search of something, we might know what it is and we might not. The search is endless it's constant and never ending it drains us from within every speck every drop of energy left in our reservoir from a fuel that cannot be regenerated or pumped back, except by being near to God somehow finding the right path, the path that's closest to him feels great! Almost over-whelming for our fragile bodies and souls to bear.

I want to spend the time I have left doing something great, I miss being passionate somehow our dreams size-down as we grow older, they're not as magical as they used to be when we were kids.
As a kid I felt that I'd change the world, I knew I'd be something great, that my soul would heal every broken vessel and fill every empty stomach and satisfy every pure intention out there. Earth was my backyard and I lived in a galaxy bigger than ours.


Looking back I'm saddened to say that I need to keep reminding myself that there is hope, that good exists and that even where I live I still can do something even if it's small it is a change a beautiful change, we are all misunderstood I wanna die doing something that I believe in I'm no longer waiting.
I decided to take a step back, observe, prioritize and ACHIEVE greatness again!!

Overwhelmed

     Finally its second year I've been waiting for this forever, Medicine is everything I ever wanted, ever needed, couldn't imagine my life doing anything but helping other people. I love it, I love every piece of it, It inspires me to become a better human in every way and I owe it to my future patients to be the best I can! Studying hard I don't wana miss a thing...



      Going to Jarir was smooth, knew my way up to the medical books it was easy, too easy whenever I went there I used to go to that section sit on the floor and just be in complete awe with every detail with every precise curve in a bone or every beautiful process that happened from within us, Its planned out everything, exact place, exact timing no mistakes NO WAY for a mistake something astonishingly complex yet "Perfect" had to be created by something greater than all us, a Higher power by "Allah"

        After careful planning and asking around I knew exactly what books I needed, what books will beautifully be arranged in my Antique brown shelves, that I plan on owning, for something so prestigious shouldn't just be thrown around, I had to arrange them proudly for they carry great knowledge. I took my book waited in line patiently paid and left.

      Going home I had to open the books I felt like a little child eager to open their gifts on Christmas morning, I inhaled the sweet smell of new paper, of the fresh ink, I smelled Knowledge before the books picked up my rooms scent and I couldn't differentiate it anymore and as I was going thru them It all happened…..my"first" Panic Attack!!!

      I didn't know what was going on, all I felt was a sense of unexplained chill down my spine I was pacing all around the room salty drops of water falling on the sides of my face uncontrollably like someone threw a tear bomb in the middle of my room, I wasn't ready, I wasn't prepared for this, I guess no one really is prepared for such episodes thats why they call it an attack. I felt like I couldn't do this that I was a failure, that this is overwhelming I couldn't stop, I couldn't breathe called everyone I could think of at that time no response, It was prayer time and I breathed in deeply without a thought and the timing was perfect, everything was calculated and most importantly I was calmed not instantly but it helped. It helped me stop thinking of quitting medical school for a while for a moment so that I can write this, it helped me and I'm grateful..

   I want to sleep and wake up and hope this was all a night mare cause If I lose medicine I have lost everything I built everything I worked for I would loose my Identity I would loose me! I hope I wake up to the optimistic motivated person I was, I never thought I would feel this way and I never wanted to write such an intimate blog to me... They say you can't quit before trying and I won't wanna prove them wrong!

The biggest battle in life...

 Every success story heard starts with a person over coming himself. How?! you ask yourself well heres how.... It's you thats holding yourself back no one but you, you choose to listen to people around, you and no one but you that locked your soul up in the small little "transparent" box created by society, rules, expectations of people who if really loved you they would unlock your creativity let you truly peruse what you want in life help you to understand how to love yourself and others, instead of thinking how you won't fit or how in our society you would be judged.

  People in our community (earth) don't take the time to think how would I feel if I were in her shoes, they critisize without thinking how much there words has impact on the person, they cruelly made up their minds on, what they don't see is how they themselves aren't perfect, actually far from that, miles and miles, for perfection is only for the creator, now that this has been said and cleared out the way! I bet each and everyone reading this has someone in mind, what you haven't noticed is that you're exactly the type of person I am talking about, whether you agree or not, you are, for you are human, full of flaws made out of mud, you have been upgraded from the most simplest most abundant matter to the most prestigious most complex of creations made by god, and we walk like its simply our right, like we deserve it instead of being thankful for every breath, for every single heartbeat.

   So the next time your about to jokingly critique someone think, and remember karma! okay I drifted off going back…tears don't make things better it only makes things worse, I don't care what you have to do, stick your head outside the window and breathe, jump on your bed, eat ice-cream and sushi for breakfast, sit with old people, listen to them talk about their lives you may think it's boring but I guarantee you their stories are inspiring, funny and amusing. Compare where you are and where you wanna be, do what you love, get ideas and work on them, regardless what people say, they say everyone is different, I thought how could 7 billion differences exist, something a brain couldn't process, but then again a fingerprint is not the same, if something so small, so simple, just lines chose to curve the way they desire, why can't we, imagine the possibilities of our brains WE ARE DIFFERENT no matter where you are you can make a difference not necessary to the world at least in someones life better yet in your life so get up leave your device, stop reading believe in yourself and go out looking for what inspires you, what makes you creative, what makes you HAPPY!! for that is what the world needs, more people that follow their passions and dreams, it's all that matters and similar people will follow cause they will be attracted to your flame to your energy…


So the only thing holding you back is You, it's a huge battle to fight yourself but if others overcame it so can we.