A 21 year reflection.

   4th of October has come to an end, I am finally 21, not sure if this is the age women usually stop at, when they are questioned their age? or is it a bit too soon, as a person that never holds on to memories I sure am very grateful for this past year with it's bad before the good. I have lost people, gained experiences, turned wounds into strong scar tissue and found happiness in the darkest of times and that to me is the absolute jackpot, I have learnt to hold on and let go both at wrong and right times and I have made peace with destiny like nothing before, emphasizing on the word "peace", does not necessarily mean I'd give in to what life throws at me for the mere idea of what we were thought to believe in, there is always a thin line between being damn right lazy and standing up and fighting for what you want and need this world to grant you, nothing comes wrapped up in a box, convincing yourself that it's not meant to be, is because you simply don't deserve it, someone out there is going to fight for it harder than you did…thou, not forgetting that sometimes it's just meant to be.


   The family I chose that surrounds me is a blessing I keep thinking of how I'd ever repay life with. The places I've been and the people I met along the way were eye-opening, I am grateful for all that I did and all that I did not do, but along the way I have understood that nothing compares to the places I've found within my heart and the sides I've discovered within the lobes of my brain. you truly understand what we humans are capable of only when we are put under circumstances we would never have imagined.

  you commit to yourself and in that comitment you grow spiritually and as a whole individual, the world becomes better when your within glows and it's like a cycle, a continuous mirror. Not forgetting change comes with acceptance, I've come to understand that even when I am uncomfortable I know in no time I will adapt and that is where the magic usually happens, miles and miles away from our comfort zones, from what society expects out of us, and miles away from what your demons tell you of yourself.

  No expectations for 21 cause no matter what we expect, imagine or dream it never happens in the exact manner it's always twisted, different or may never even occur, I go where the tides take me, cause I know that these are the waters that I've chosen, I do not want directions, I want to be lost and I understand that it isn't easy, it never was and it never will be and if I were to chose I'll take the toughest road, over and over again. because I believe in me.

Dear lil girl,

  Look at you beautifuly filled with grace lil girl, unstopable aren't you? Holding on to your dream just like your mama told you ever since your heart decided to take it's very first beat..

 Well lil girl life is going to take hits at you and knock you down, so many times, that you lose count and people are going to mock you when you speak of your ambition, they will tell you your just a lil girl and you don't have the power to save the world and let's not forget the deamons that live inside the corners of your mind, there whispers sure know how to devour your creativity inside out, don't they?

  Life isn't fair, it will hit you with low blows but remember that everytime you get knocked down, it fuels you to get back up, stronger, taller and more powerful and that the people that make fun of you are the same ones that will fight you and end up following you, see we the society fear change, I dunno how will I feel when you come back home with an insane thought of the unknown, but I know that even If I don't understand the sparks lighting up your eyes when you talk about that interesting butterfly you found in the backyard that landed on the palms of your tiny hands or the energy ball you created out of thin air in the same backyard you discoverd that butterfly in, years back, I would still support you lil girl, I'd love you and protect you from the world enough to keep your fragile dreams alive and not enought to allow the growth of scars on the walls of your heart, little beautiful cracks that you would wear proudly on the outside for they let the light pierce within when you become a challenging fearless women in a male-dominated world, you see lil girl you come from a strain of females that never let society demean them, we were proud of being the softer gender and empowement was our cause.

Lil girl one day I won't be there to guide your soul and you'd be astonishing on your own for you've always put me and your father on hold, bravless you'll speak your mind and understand that silence is not always gold...

Lil girl remember that fear is needed as it is the key that opens the door that releases us out of the cage we created to trap ourselves in and named it "the comfort zone" remember that no matter how people treat you, hold yourself with pride and respond back with a smile, for you have won. Give with all your heart, give when all you have is little and give even when you have nothing at all, remember that the right chairty is the one that no one knows of and that as you give you grow and a life spent in the helping of others is a life perfectly spent, for nothing beats a smile of a heart you touched and the warmth of a hand you helped up, travel and explore, the earth is your playground and you're a 5 yr old. Learn to leave things behind for nothing in this life belongs to you, not even the shirt on your back, it's all borrowed for a while, you are a vistor my dear, be a good one. Nothing lasts forever, not even your thoughts and when the media pushes you into thinking you're not beautiful, thin, tan, whatever enough, tell them that they know nothing about beauty and that you've been designed by the master of beauty of them all, perfected from the curve of your lashes to your little nose.

Lil girl, a women is nothing without her morals never let that go and remember even if you face the lowest men of them all, a man always knows not to mess with a lady for she forces her respect with no word, learn how to walk in a pair of Loubies and wear your Chanel but when it's time learn how to enjoy the feeling of the earth on the palms of your bare feet, don't be scared to get wet under the rain it won't matter if your mascara runs, for if he loved you, the black streaks on your face won't matter at all, that he shouldn't be scared of the depth of your dreams or the impluses that break your routine, that he should always be nervous around you and a bulk of confidence in the crowd for a smooth talker is no good for you, make sure he makes you laugh it will keep you young and would notice things you never knew about yourself, he should have chavillary for it's what defines a man, how he treats a women that's all that counts, he should understand that crying in between your hands doen't make him less of a man, on the contrary it means you're his home, supports you and most importantly distance won't scare him or keep him any less faithful for distance is important to be true to both yourselves and keep in your mind that lying is useless it never lasts and cheating doesn't take you far in life, real women take the hard way out and never depend on a single soul not even their own.

Lil girl, I've poured my heart and soul to a part of me i still dunno, to you and when one day you have a lil girl of your own don't forget to tell her that the world might be big but nothing is as huge as the chambers of heart and nothing is wider than the imagination of her brain and nothing is more precious in the universe but herself, the way I thought you and the way my mother once taught me.

Monsoon

   Everyday we are challenged by a current, that no one seems to notice, very subtle, yet strong, makes our "everydays" flow, you never realize how the road we have taken up inlife, was rarley a desicion, but we were somehow pulled gently into the river stream.

  Sometimes we are decived by the thought of how the current is controlled by us, by our desicions, by our thougts and the

freedom we believe in owning, your desicion might be initated and you might have decided this road is not "your cup of tea" in life but it will still find a way to pull you in back to what we call "average" "plain" and my least favorite "normal" the power of destruction these can do, it is a mass murder of innovation.

  So what happens when a powerful gush of air decides to push away from the stream, to rebel? It picks itself up and sets on a journey taking with it what it needs to prove it's very existance and to bring change, that's the key word change, it becomes a Monsoon.

  The defenition of a Monsoon is the following:

1. A wind from the southwest or south that brings heavy rainfall to southern Asia in the summer.
2. the meaning is far more greater than that, it changed summer into winter pulling the rain makers along with it. despite how near earth is from the sun and despite the previous mentioned stream of "normal" it reversed seasons, bringing undesmissable benifit to these countries argriculture and most importantly carved it's own path to teach us that anything could happen..

  So the question comes down to, are you a Monsoon?

❤️

   

     Putting someone to sleep in a matter of seconds, where they depart the state of conscious to the absolute unknown, loss of every sensation, of every control up to the state where their lungs can no longer function on their own and we are able to invade where no man has gone before exposing layers of their physical being, digging in deep to the source of where the body decided to rebel, in a form or another with deep sense of calmness and stability with the preparation of a sudden outbreak of a disaster. 

    Retract, alternate, cut, excise and finally fix all in a cold 4 walled room with covered faces..

Now tell me how can this not take your breath away, how can this not be a miracle?..

And when happiness infects us..

  You wake up in the morning, bed hair you don't care today you wake up, open the curtains, you let the sun in, past the window, past your room and into your soul..Yes! You let it soak in, it's warmth, it's brightness, you realise you aren't the only one celebrating life, everything around you is, your heartbeats, the stilnece roar of the AC's engine and the chirps of the birds outside your window.

  The whole universe is in harmony, the perfect harmony that was exactly created for you, yes, the universe was in harmony for you, for your grand ideas, for your creativity to be released like a beast escaping it's bone cage, your chest..let it go for even if it splatters, it's still beautiful.

  But something taps on your shoulder, whispers behind your left ear, brings shivers down your spine "hold back, happiness never lasts, this is an illusion" and now your commn sense hits, is this real? Why am I happy? Is it worth it? The beast that was roaring in your chest turns into a little kitten and hides in the corner, back to it's comfort zone, where it always has been.

  The comfort zone where we all have hung up a 3 x 4 wooden board with "home sweet home" carved in it. Another day shall pass without telling the people we love how much they mean to us, another day shall pass where we decide to have the same breakfast again, ignore the way we feel again, and suppress every insane idea that crosses our head by telling it "we're sorry there is no place for change in our society, there is no place for you in the lobes of my brain"

Another day shall pass, just like everyother day, ordinary.

Unless, when that little voice starts to whisper behind your left ear, you tell it to stay in that comfort zone, for you have decided to pack your bags and leave.