Air

To breathe, is to fill in a piece of what's within you with a piece of the universe that surrounds you; to maintian your existance..how insane is that? The very thing that keeps your heart pounding is not even a part of you, invisible, weightless, efortless..

Yet we take it ever so lightly, the same air that I breathe, I share with all of you, with nations that decided on bordering their terrotories with no respect to what unifies us, shutting out everything around us.. The same instinct did not only establish in our masses, it has devoloped around us, it is that invisible, sometimes transparent bubble, we have wrapped ourselves inside of them, customed them to our comfort, no longer able to reach out, thinking who would dare scratch our fragile line of defense, thinking this way of caution we have won.. Won in life..by living ever so cautiously to the extent that we are no longer living.

We as mankind have evolved, we have evolved into cornering ourselves in, instead of the vision our ancestors have dreamt of, the beautiful colors of details they once invisioned on our so proclaimed future synthetic wings have gone abyss.. Instead we hide behind screens, in dark rooms or worse in rooms filled with others, we have forgotten all that makes our men men, our women women and our children children.

So next time you take a breath in just know that you and I share the same air, we dream under the same skies, and if one day the bubble gets too tight and you decide to reble on your mind, extend your arm out, perhaps there is a rebellion out there with her arm extended as well.

Conversations

You look at people, the way they walk , smile, how their eyebrows are different, the way their eyes widen when you say something that spark their minds, something new maybe? Or something that touched their hearts perhaps, or a mere reflection of the gradual change in the image they first formed of the impression they have made of you during the very first 5 seconds of crossing each other's path..

Did you ever look at the person in front of you and took a second to think of them internally.. Like how their hearts are beating in this very second, the way their lungs are expanding and their chests are rising to take in the air that was once between the both of you, a part of the atmosphere that was once touching you..

Did you ever consider perhaps how they are insecurely thinking about their crooked tooth or the fact that they accidentally spilled coffee on their blouse and that you might notice it or maybe a thought of an instinct..

Did they see something in you or the background that triggered the dream they saw last night and put the missing puzzles together or are they worried they are not good enough to reach their dreams while they swallow. What about, when was the last time that person felt something, felt it passionately and genuinely, when did they last cry or even better cry out of happiness.. Are they happy waking up to what they get up for? Did they lose a friend, are their parents proud? What is the cause living in their hearts.

When was the last time they did something for the first time? Perhaps they are out of their comfort zone.

Perhaps today was the first day they decided to dress up and show up..and maybe, just perhaps they are looking at you wondering what's going on inside your head as well.

Find yourself.

People spend lifetimes in search of themselves, but what they actually find is comfortable reflections of what they think they are, when in truth the self is not an object or a dimension that can be lost in space and time and be found, it is constant, infinite, demanding, it is a multifactorial nothingness and silumltaneously filled with everything, it is a mystery and as much as it stabilizes it knows the comfort zone is never a home, it considers itself homeless; see nothing stops it from roaming around cities, planets and eras of different times even if the body decides to never leave the place it was born in it refuses to attach, to latch. For when the self finally settles, the body takes it's very last breath.

A 21 year reflection.

   4th of October has come to an end, I am finally 21, not sure if this is the age women usually stop at, when they are questioned their age? or is it a bit too soon, as a person that never holds on to memories I sure am very grateful for this past year with it's bad before the good. I have lost people, gained experiences, turned wounds into strong scar tissue and found happiness in the darkest of times and that to me is the absolute jackpot, I have learnt to hold on and let go both at wrong and right times and I have made peace with destiny like nothing before, emphasizing on the word "peace", does not necessarily mean I'd give in to what life throws at me for the mere idea of what we were thought to believe in, there is always a thin line between being damn right lazy and standing up and fighting for what you want and need this world to grant you, nothing comes wrapped up in a box, convincing yourself that it's not meant to be, is because you simply don't deserve it, someone out there is going to fight for it harder than you did…thou, not forgetting that sometimes it's just meant to be.


   The family I chose that surrounds me is a blessing I keep thinking of how I'd ever repay life with. The places I've been and the people I met along the way were eye-opening, I am grateful for all that I did and all that I did not do, but along the way I have understood that nothing compares to the places I've found within my heart and the sides I've discovered within the lobes of my brain. you truly understand what we humans are capable of only when we are put under circumstances we would never have imagined.

  you commit to yourself and in that comitment you grow spiritually and as a whole individual, the world becomes better when your within glows and it's like a cycle, a continuous mirror. Not forgetting change comes with acceptance, I've come to understand that even when I am uncomfortable I know in no time I will adapt and that is where the magic usually happens, miles and miles away from our comfort zones, from what society expects out of us, and miles away from what your demons tell you of yourself.

  No expectations for 21 cause no matter what we expect, imagine or dream it never happens in the exact manner it's always twisted, different or may never even occur, I go where the tides take me, cause I know that these are the waters that I've chosen, I do not want directions, I want to be lost and I understand that it isn't easy, it never was and it never will be and if I were to chose I'll take the toughest road, over and over again. because I believe in me.

Dear lil girl,

  Look at you beautifuly filled with grace lil girl, unstopable aren't you? Holding on to your dream just like your mama told you ever since your heart decided to take it's very first beat..

 Well lil girl life is going to take hits at you and knock you down, so many times, that you lose count and people are going to mock you when you speak of your ambition, they will tell you your just a lil girl and you don't have the power to save the world and let's not forget the deamons that live inside the corners of your mind, there whispers sure know how to devour your creativity inside out, don't they?

  Life isn't fair, it will hit you with low blows but remember that everytime you get knocked down, it fuels you to get back up, stronger, taller and more powerful and that the people that make fun of you are the same ones that will fight you and end up following you, see we the society fear change, I dunno how will I feel when you come back home with an insane thought of the unknown, but I know that even If I don't understand the sparks lighting up your eyes when you talk about that interesting butterfly you found in the backyard that landed on the palms of your tiny hands or the energy ball you created out of thin air in the same backyard you discoverd that butterfly in, years back, I would still support you lil girl, I'd love you and protect you from the world enough to keep your fragile dreams alive and not enought to allow the growth of scars on the walls of your heart, little beautiful cracks that you would wear proudly on the outside for they let the light pierce within when you become a challenging fearless women in a male-dominated world, you see lil girl you come from a strain of females that never let society demean them, we were proud of being the softer gender and empowement was our cause.

Lil girl one day I won't be there to guide your soul and you'd be astonishing on your own for you've always put me and your father on hold, bravless you'll speak your mind and understand that silence is not always gold...

Lil girl remember that fear is needed as it is the key that opens the door that releases us out of the cage we created to trap ourselves in and named it "the comfort zone" remember that no matter how people treat you, hold yourself with pride and respond back with a smile, for you have won. Give with all your heart, give when all you have is little and give even when you have nothing at all, remember that the right chairty is the one that no one knows of and that as you give you grow and a life spent in the helping of others is a life perfectly spent, for nothing beats a smile of a heart you touched and the warmth of a hand you helped up, travel and explore, the earth is your playground and you're a 5 yr old. Learn to leave things behind for nothing in this life belongs to you, not even the shirt on your back, it's all borrowed for a while, you are a vistor my dear, be a good one. Nothing lasts forever, not even your thoughts and when the media pushes you into thinking you're not beautiful, thin, tan, whatever enough, tell them that they know nothing about beauty and that you've been designed by the master of beauty of them all, perfected from the curve of your lashes to your little nose.

Lil girl, a women is nothing without her morals never let that go and remember even if you face the lowest men of them all, a man always knows not to mess with a lady for she forces her respect with no word, learn how to walk in a pair of Loubies and wear your Chanel but when it's time learn how to enjoy the feeling of the earth on the palms of your bare feet, don't be scared to get wet under the rain it won't matter if your mascara runs, for if he loved you, the black streaks on your face won't matter at all, that he shouldn't be scared of the depth of your dreams or the impluses that break your routine, that he should always be nervous around you and a bulk of confidence in the crowd for a smooth talker is no good for you, make sure he makes you laugh it will keep you young and would notice things you never knew about yourself, he should have chavillary for it's what defines a man, how he treats a women that's all that counts, he should understand that crying in between your hands doen't make him less of a man, on the contrary it means you're his home, supports you and most importantly distance won't scare him or keep him any less faithful for distance is important to be true to both yourselves and keep in your mind that lying is useless it never lasts and cheating doesn't take you far in life, real women take the hard way out and never depend on a single soul not even their own.

Lil girl, I've poured my heart and soul to a part of me i still dunno, to you and when one day you have a lil girl of your own don't forget to tell her that the world might be big but nothing is as huge as the chambers of heart and nothing is wider than the imagination of her brain and nothing is more precious in the universe but herself, the way I thought you and the way my mother once taught me.

Monsoon

   Everyday we are challenged by a current, that no one seems to notice, very subtle, yet strong, makes our "everydays" flow, you never realize how the road we have taken up inlife, was rarley a desicion, but we were somehow pulled gently into the river stream.

  Sometimes we are decived by the thought of how the current is controlled by us, by our desicions, by our thougts and the

freedom we believe in owning, your desicion might be initated and you might have decided this road is not "your cup of tea" in life but it will still find a way to pull you in back to what we call "average" "plain" and my least favorite "normal" the power of destruction these can do, it is a mass murder of innovation.

  So what happens when a powerful gush of air decides to push away from the stream, to rebel? It picks itself up and sets on a journey taking with it what it needs to prove it's very existance and to bring change, that's the key word change, it becomes a Monsoon.

  The defenition of a Monsoon is the following:

1. A wind from the southwest or south that brings heavy rainfall to southern Asia in the summer.
2. the meaning is far more greater than that, it changed summer into winter pulling the rain makers along with it. despite how near earth is from the sun and despite the previous mentioned stream of "normal" it reversed seasons, bringing undesmissable benifit to these countries argriculture and most importantly carved it's own path to teach us that anything could happen..

  So the question comes down to, are you a Monsoon?

❤️

   

     Putting someone to sleep in a matter of seconds, where they depart the state of conscious to the absolute unknown, loss of every sensation, of every control up to the state where their lungs can no longer function on their own and we are able to invade where no man has gone before exposing layers of their physical being, digging in deep to the source of where the body decided to rebel, in a form or another with deep sense of calmness and stability with the preparation of a sudden outbreak of a disaster. 

    Retract, alternate, cut, excise and finally fix all in a cold 4 walled room with covered faces..

Now tell me how can this not take your breath away, how can this not be a miracle?..

And when happiness infects us..

  You wake up in the morning, bed hair you don't care today you wake up, open the curtains, you let the sun in, past the window, past your room and into your soul..Yes! You let it soak in, it's warmth, it's brightness, you realise you aren't the only one celebrating life, everything around you is, your heartbeats, the stilnece roar of the AC's engine and the chirps of the birds outside your window.

  The whole universe is in harmony, the perfect harmony that was exactly created for you, yes, the universe was in harmony for you, for your grand ideas, for your creativity to be released like a beast escaping it's bone cage, your chest..let it go for even if it splatters, it's still beautiful.

  But something taps on your shoulder, whispers behind your left ear, brings shivers down your spine "hold back, happiness never lasts, this is an illusion" and now your commn sense hits, is this real? Why am I happy? Is it worth it? The beast that was roaring in your chest turns into a little kitten and hides in the corner, back to it's comfort zone, where it always has been.

  The comfort zone where we all have hung up a 3 x 4 wooden board with "home sweet home" carved in it. Another day shall pass without telling the people we love how much they mean to us, another day shall pass where we decide to have the same breakfast again, ignore the way we feel again, and suppress every insane idea that crosses our head by telling it "we're sorry there is no place for change in our society, there is no place for you in the lobes of my brain"

Another day shall pass, just like everyother day, ordinary.

Unless, when that little voice starts to whisper behind your left ear, you tell it to stay in that comfort zone, for you have decided to pack your bags and leave.

Hideous battle, in it's worst form.

      Throughout history we've witnessed and heard of how rage and anger can be transformed into wars, blood, pain, loss and destruction.. Millions of lives were lost, kids orphaned, homes turned into remains of bricks, sand and broken memories.

Dictators, guns, bombs are all weapons, methods to let that frustration within them let go..


But history never told us what was the world's greatest battles, maybe words were never fit enough to explain how their victims felt, maybe it was due to the fact that we humans never understand what we never feel, maybe it was due to the fact that the only witness to the hideous crime was the victim himself, maybe he was so in pain he never quite had the energy to try and explain it…


Inner-Battles, They are the worst kind.


Not knowing which side you belong to, it's constant, never ending it's painful and it's unpredictable..
One day you know exactly how this world works and exactly what you need and in a second a tornado hits picking up every thing it touches or it's resulting wind and energy radiates, kills everything, mutates what once was familiar and suddenly you no longer understand where it came from? how it happened? or when? it's quick, it's delusional and it had the ability to tear open the gaps that you've tried filling in.



You beg it to settle but it feeds of of your vulnerability. It knows it's winning and it knows you're helpless. So the world's greatest wars aren't written in history. They're buried with their victims, with no one to tell the tale...Forever lost. Forever hidden.

Edge of Desire

      What's marvelous about life is how a second could change your state, your thinking, your attitude and most importantly you..

 We all spend our lives in search of something, we might know what it is and we might not. The search is endless it's constant and never ending it drains us from within every speck every drop of energy left in our reservoir from a fuel that cannot be regenerated or pumped back, except by being near to God somehow finding the right path, the path that's closest to him feels great! Almost over-whelming for our fragile bodies and souls to bear.

I want to spend the time I have left doing something great, I miss being passionate somehow our dreams size-down as we grow older, they're not as magical as they used to be when we were kids.
As a kid I felt that I'd change the world, I knew I'd be something great, that my soul would heal every broken vessel and fill every empty stomach and satisfy every pure intention out there. Earth was my backyard and I lived in a galaxy bigger than ours.


Looking back I'm saddened to say that I need to keep reminding myself that there is hope, that good exists and that even where I live I still can do something even if it's small it is a change a beautiful change, we are all misunderstood I wanna die doing something that I believe in I'm no longer waiting.
I decided to take a step back, observe, prioritize and ACHIEVE greatness again!!

Overwhelmed

     Finally its second year I've been waiting for this forever, Medicine is everything I ever wanted, ever needed, couldn't imagine my life doing anything but helping other people. I love it, I love every piece of it, It inspires me to become a better human in every way and I owe it to my future patients to be the best I can! Studying hard I don't wana miss a thing...



      Going to Jarir was smooth, knew my way up to the medical books it was easy, too easy whenever I went there I used to go to that section sit on the floor and just be in complete awe with every detail with every precise curve in a bone or every beautiful process that happened from within us, Its planned out everything, exact place, exact timing no mistakes NO WAY for a mistake something astonishingly complex yet "Perfect" had to be created by something greater than all us, a Higher power by "Allah"

        After careful planning and asking around I knew exactly what books I needed, what books will beautifully be arranged in my Antique brown shelves, that I plan on owning, for something so prestigious shouldn't just be thrown around, I had to arrange them proudly for they carry great knowledge. I took my book waited in line patiently paid and left.

      Going home I had to open the books I felt like a little child eager to open their gifts on Christmas morning, I inhaled the sweet smell of new paper, of the fresh ink, I smelled Knowledge before the books picked up my rooms scent and I couldn't differentiate it anymore and as I was going thru them It all happened…..my"first" Panic Attack!!!

      I didn't know what was going on, all I felt was a sense of unexplained chill down my spine I was pacing all around the room salty drops of water falling on the sides of my face uncontrollably like someone threw a tear bomb in the middle of my room, I wasn't ready, I wasn't prepared for this, I guess no one really is prepared for such episodes thats why they call it an attack. I felt like I couldn't do this that I was a failure, that this is overwhelming I couldn't stop, I couldn't breathe called everyone I could think of at that time no response, It was prayer time and I breathed in deeply without a thought and the timing was perfect, everything was calculated and most importantly I was calmed not instantly but it helped. It helped me stop thinking of quitting medical school for a while for a moment so that I can write this, it helped me and I'm grateful..

   I want to sleep and wake up and hope this was all a night mare cause If I lose medicine I have lost everything I built everything I worked for I would loose my Identity I would loose me! I hope I wake up to the optimistic motivated person I was, I never thought I would feel this way and I never wanted to write such an intimate blog to me... They say you can't quit before trying and I won't wanna prove them wrong!

The biggest battle in life...

 Every success story heard starts with a person over coming himself. How?! you ask yourself well heres how.... It's you thats holding yourself back no one but you, you choose to listen to people around, you and no one but you that locked your soul up in the small little "transparent" box created by society, rules, expectations of people who if really loved you they would unlock your creativity let you truly peruse what you want in life help you to understand how to love yourself and others, instead of thinking how you won't fit or how in our society you would be judged.

  People in our community (earth) don't take the time to think how would I feel if I were in her shoes, they critisize without thinking how much there words has impact on the person, they cruelly made up their minds on, what they don't see is how they themselves aren't perfect, actually far from that, miles and miles, for perfection is only for the creator, now that this has been said and cleared out the way! I bet each and everyone reading this has someone in mind, what you haven't noticed is that you're exactly the type of person I am talking about, whether you agree or not, you are, for you are human, full of flaws made out of mud, you have been upgraded from the most simplest most abundant matter to the most prestigious most complex of creations made by god, and we walk like its simply our right, like we deserve it instead of being thankful for every breath, for every single heartbeat.

   So the next time your about to jokingly critique someone think, and remember karma! okay I drifted off going back…tears don't make things better it only makes things worse, I don't care what you have to do, stick your head outside the window and breathe, jump on your bed, eat ice-cream and sushi for breakfast, sit with old people, listen to them talk about their lives you may think it's boring but I guarantee you their stories are inspiring, funny and amusing. Compare where you are and where you wanna be, do what you love, get ideas and work on them, regardless what people say, they say everyone is different, I thought how could 7 billion differences exist, something a brain couldn't process, but then again a fingerprint is not the same, if something so small, so simple, just lines chose to curve the way they desire, why can't we, imagine the possibilities of our brains WE ARE DIFFERENT no matter where you are you can make a difference not necessary to the world at least in someones life better yet in your life so get up leave your device, stop reading believe in yourself and go out looking for what inspires you, what makes you creative, what makes you HAPPY!! for that is what the world needs, more people that follow their passions and dreams, it's all that matters and similar people will follow cause they will be attracted to your flame to your energy…


So the only thing holding you back is You, it's a huge battle to fight yourself but if others overcame it so can we.

Open your heart

         I know I haven't blogged in a really long time, but I was trying to adjust to the new idea of embracing change, let me tell you one thing It was one of the hardest things I've ever done but am glad cause even though I haven't fully recovered but am doing "MUCH" better! I was shocked of how that bad feeling of the fear of non acceptance is slowly dissolving away, see the truth is I entered through the phase of change with a blocked heart, mind and soul it felt like I was made of stone I hated me being like that. Advice: where ever you're gonna go in life people who don't know you are going to judge you and in the environment where I live in I was a complete outsider, my views about the world was from a different prespective from theirs! It felt like I was from a different galaxy!

          I met someone wise along the way well they didn't pretend to be wise, on the contrary she was that type of person that you keep promising yourself you would end up like every time your ideas were shutdown because you were from the young generation that you weren't old enough to speak up your mind, She listened and she listened carefully she believed that the youth are the hope for the new generation, I told her how I felt, she smiled and said something I won't forget she said " Bayan, open your heart" just these few words nothing more, but it hit me I've been so ignorant I did the same stupid mistake that is the source of world wars, dysfunctional families, and lack of mercy in people's hearts have you ever stopped and wondered why things get so complicated? why don't they ever work out? Its simple! People never "Listen" I'm not talking about simply keeping your ears open and hearing I am talking about actually listening to every word, sinking it into your brain and most importantly understanding where this is all coming from, walk a virtual mile in the other persons shoes….
feel their pain, understand where these words are coming from...    
        
    So I woke up the next morning with a new attitude, with a heartfelt smile and an open heart and I realized I've been missing out on a lot, I met great people! And spent the rest of the days laughing. Change is inevitable it's growing under my skin , It's you that choose's to make the process a nightmare or an unforgettable beautiful memory, It's my little world and I control the settings! So happy mood ON!

Get back up...

    Have you ever felt that you were frozen couldn't take a step, couldn't move at all like the whole world is pining you down, like this huge weight on your shoulders that is crushing your lungs, you're breathing but no air! No matter what you say or do you still feel it there. You're locked with chains.... Is it gravity?! No, it isn't its much more powerful, much stronger, drain your energy takes away all your strength till you're fragile!

    If you know what am talking about because you've experienced it or are experiencing it let me tell you that sensation isn't how your supposed to bare your normal daily tasks with! it isn't Hold on!! I am sorry I dunno what am talking about am just expressing how I am feeling now, reaching out to anyone who is feeling the same way just know that someone else does, I have no idea whats going on not a clue…


    I am usually strong always have always will be inshallah, I can't move one step without planing my life ahead I hate not knowing whats going to happen in 7 hours not to mention 7 years, What happens when you have been planing for something great to happen to your life, calculated every move, every day had everything planned out not one plan with a lot of plans full with all the possibilities that life might throw at you! Its a kind of tactic you believe is rock-strong, so sure of it that you don't have the choice of what it if didn't happen and after 3 years of planing and hard work you get hit on the face with" Unfortunately your acceptance from the University Of Cambridge has been withdrawn we wish you luck in all your other applications" The reason was me ? was it the people around me? you ask yourself questions blame and self-loathe for days thats after you passed the denial stage its all over you the feelings the confusion, you've been hit hard real hard.

     Its 03:31 am here and all you can hear is click..click..click as my fingers hit the keyboard uncontrollably because my head won't stop spinning, popping these crazy ideas like I am in a manic roller coaster, I can't help it every thing is bursting i passed the denial numbing stage while I was going to the dentist today in the car it just hit me I've lost everything I've ever wanted, What am I going to tell myself when times get hard, when I can't accept the fact am staying here not persuading my dream! I'd always tell myself its ok I have 2 months left it was always a countdown all my life was a count down, to my one way ticket out to my dream… How and what am I supposed to tell myself now I've never wanted something so much! It was freedom it was it all!

      I dunno how to end this cause this story doesn't have an end I am trying to smile and convince myself this is the right thing to do and just to be patient because when you fall you stand right back up and work harder then you ever did. but I am still looking for my motivation for the strength I need to get back up! I will and ill get there it might take me a while but am not letting it go..next time I will be prepared, next time I'll stand stronger..

Who am I ?

       She woke up one morning and looked around her she wasn't familiar with that room, the bed felt cosy a coziness that she related too, but felt detached, she put her feet down on the cold floor, just looking at the lines on her feet you can figure out she has been lingering for a long time in this life. She got the strength to force herself up though her knees begged her to sit again, the pain was unbearable, but she's a fighter, never knew what resting felt like. Gathering herself up started looking around trying to remember how she ended up there, she's thinking hard, but no…..nothing comes up, she sees a little blue door she drags her tiny feet one step at a time she keeps telling herself one step more she finally gets to the door, opens it, looks around again she can't remember this place "hello, hello is there anyone around" she keeps walking opening doors looking if there is anyone out there, keeps calling again. " till the echo is silenced by a response "There you are, I've been looking all around for you"the nice smiling lady in white says. Her eyes remind me of my husband she thinks'. "excuse me, may you help me please, do you know where my husband is?"  the lady in white smiles but it's clear she's hiding her tears, this is not the first time she has heard this question, in fact, all these questions seemed like they were on a broken record, as she says his been dead for over 20 years now! "No you're lying, that's not possible she says, when did this happen, and who are you, what am I doing here?" so many unanswered questions. Opening her mouth but no words are coming out she mumbles something that wasn't clear. A silent moment! the grey haired old woman's face was covered with wrinkles,  all these lines proved how harsh life is, she finally spoke up "Mom its me your daughter"! she says gently "No darling you must have confused me with someone else I don't have kids" the old lady said. heart-broken she knew exactly that she has to agree with her, she couldn't possibly convince her, how could she remind her of 60 years worth of memories, it wasn't worth it, she was going to forget and ask the same questions 20 minutes later, its like she's frozen in time but only everyday it's getting worse and worse…..

    This is how the begging of my grandma's day begins, she isn't able to remember anything anymore, that's what Alzheimer's diseases does to it's victims, it gets worse every day, nothing is the same anymore, it changes not only it's victims lives, but their families and loved ones it's a path a sick person has to go through, no exceptions and no medications can save them, it only pushes back the time they have to go through it, but no matter if it's a month, a year or 3 years it's a pain they must go through no escape! everything changes, they can't remember anything, their personalties change, nothings the same anymore putting her head on the pillow she's scared of tomorrow no one knows what might happen...
        
      Simple tasks are no longer easy for her, we vist as much as we can, but every time I see her she's not the same person I saw the last time, thats not my grandma they say she's entering the last phase the worse of them all, I knew she's a though warrior she made it throught them all, but though no one says it out loud every one knows that a battle agains Alzheimer's is not like a battle against cancer, or most of other fatal diseases there isn't hope everyone knows how these things (Its hard for me to write it down)…..end up!  I missed talking to her like before, we all miss her it's like she's there and at the same times she isn't, it's hard she's allways searching, searching for answers, for her lost soul, for all her questions are mysteries she keeps looking in her mind again and again but nothing, blank total blank, do you know how frustrating it is having to constantly forget the name of someone or something, it's there somewhere in the back of your mind on the tip of your tongue, but you can't get it out, imagine how would that feel, if it's something you had to deal with everyday, hard enough as it is it's not a something or a random someone's name it's their beloved's names!

    You know, people get frustrated because their loved ones who have Alzheimer's, oh, he doesn't recognize me anymore, how can I recognize this person, if they don't recognize me? They're not the same person, well, they are the same person, but they've got a brain disease. And it's not their fault they've got this disease. Alzheimer's diseases steals more than just memories.....


   Thank god my grandma is well loved between her family but it hurts me deeply thinking of other people with this disease not blessed with understanding families!

Every 3 seconds....

Every 3 seconds Apple sells one of its products around the world...
Every 3 seconds a cigarette is lit...
Every 3 seconds a baby is born.....
Every 3 seconds an identiy is stolen.....
Every 3 seconds a child dies from hunger!


    How could all this happen in one world, in one planet.. How is it possible that kids in african 3rd world countries are all dying due to the lack of FOOD! while we throw excess food in the garbage. How are we able to sleep at night full knowing that half across the globe a little kid is dying at that particular moment of starvation. How could we all sit in a table having second servings while a tortured mother has the hardest decision, by choosing "one" of her pleading kids with food only one tonight gets a small piece of a mud cookie.

     For all of you wondering whats a mud cookie well here are the ingredients: Mud, shortening and salt!!
When I first heard it I was shocked!! here is a video showing how in haiti which is the poorest island in the west! you can find more information in this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqAF9K39PXw  so for Muslim's now is the best time to be thankful and appreciate what we got for now is the holy month of Ramadan, other than a worship for God I believe God wanted us to walk in other people's shoes, the torn old worn out shoes of the poor and the needy, to feel other people's pain of hunger and thirst, it makes us appreciate what we got and defiantly be more compassionate and humble next time someone asks you to spare some change.


  
"It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish" -Mother Teresa-

The Beginning

    The point of time or space at which anything begins is The Beginning.
 
    Sometimes figuring out things in life causes us to go to the beginning, the beginning where it all started, where things were falling apart, where communication vanished, where your voice is locked in a box,where it all started going downhill, where everything seems wrong. Thats when we isolate ourselves and start playing everything back all over again, like a little rewind button in our heads, finding that exact moment where it all came caving in. The turning point !

   We all heard of great journeys taken up by people leaving their families, work, friends and everything that ever mattered behind just to go to far lands in search of gurus or old scholars that have the key to every problem, a cure to every hurt soul whether it's happiness, fame, money whatever you're looking for and the moment you get there……The first thing you will be told is you've deviated from the right path look at the minute in time where it all started… look for The Beginning..

   “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.” thus if you have reached an end, be sure a new beginning will start, you may be a little bruised or covered with scars, but what you have is much valuable, your Lesson is learned and now you can only move forward in your path, knowing that this time your mistakes won't be repeated because the only mistake you can do along the road to truth, is not going all the way and not finsihing it.

So know, that from small beginings comes great things and whether you're making your first step, or your last, good luck in your path, may you find what you need, may you discover your limits.


“So many fail because they don't get started - they don't go. They don't overcome inertia. They don't begin.”
-W. Clement Stone